9 | August 1, 2020

9

Oh my darling Eddie,

This is quite a predicament. And I know exactly where you’re coming from. A few years back, I went through a similar situation. My pet parent too, had this brainwave that he’d get another cat home. Apparently one is not enough. So I didn’t speak to him for a week. But that made no difference whatsoever, because I give him the silent treatment most of the time. So I don’t think he noticed. But anyway, he did in fact, bring home another kitten. Cute little feller, but very attention seeking. Very unlike a cat. Kittens these days, I tell you. A cat without self respect is a dog. Every time I’d walk into a room, I’d find my parent cuddling him, kissing him, talking to him, giving him treats. If he wanted a dog so bad, he should have just gotten himself one. What was I to do? I quickly realized that I’d either had to evolve, or lose this war (for it was a war). And so I did the unimaginable. I started approaching him, for behind the ear tickles and back scratches. Hoomans are idiots. They think if they can pet us, we’re their friend. Silly idiots. Little do they realize that we’re master manipulators. However, this particular manipulation backfired on me. Because both me and the new kitty (his name is Pickles by the way) have now started purring like nobody’s business. And I for one, can’t get enough of his scratches (my parents’ not Pickles’s) I guess what I’m trying to say Eddie is that the fight you’re fighting is a losing one. We aren’t going to win this. Our pet parents will eventually do whatever it is they want to do. And there’s diddly squat we can do about that. Unless we want to form a union and revolt. Would you be open to that?

Yours purringly,

Sockington