5 | July 7, 2020

5

Dear Ed,

What a riot you are. If we were living under the same room, you would have driven me up the wall. Why would you want to tear up cushions? And how does one ‘accidentally' tear up a cushion? Admit it. You tore it up because you wanted to. Which is why we're very different, you and I. I believe in law and order of the house. You believe in wreaking havoc. As if there wasn't enough havoc in the world now. Oh, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. By the way, I waited patiently by the door today waiting for you to walk by. But you never came. I don't mean to sound worried or concerned (I mean, I barely know you to be concerned), but is everything okay with you? It was drizzling a little bit today, so maybe that's why you didn't come. I waited for maybe twenty minutes, and then I just went off to do my own thing. Which, as long as we're being honest with each other, is sleep. Now since you were honest with me about your cushion antic, let me be honest with you about one of my antics. Do keep in mind that nobody knows about this, and if you so much as breathe a word of this to anyone, you're going to be ex-Eddie. So this was roughly around a few years back when I didn't know any better. I had just woken up from a nap and had sauntered into the living room to see what my owner was up to. When right there in front of me, stood another cat with it's tail fluffed up. I don't like people. I don't like cats too. Especially another cat in MY house. So I did what any respectable cat would do. I snarked, I hissed, I puffed my tail up and I attacked for all it was worth. And (don't laugh okay?) I hit myself on the mirror. Turns out, my owner had brought home a new mirror and decided to place it in the drawing room at floor level. Like who does that? Anyway, my owner saw this happening, and immediately recorded this incident on her phone and I believe uploaded it to instagram and youtube too. So much for not being on social media. Of course, I didn't speak to my owner for two weeks straight after that. Both because I was angry, and partly because I was embarrassed. Anyhoo, so now you know. Stay well Eddie. Perhaps I'll see you today if it doesn't drizzle, or if I'm not asleep.

Yours secretively,

socks